Yeah…
So I paid www.ezdivorce.ca in Toronto to prepare all my divorce papers. They are pretty quick and professional. They don’t give you any advice but they asked me some questions and I had provide them with some information. Then they sent me the completed forms in the mail.
I took those documents and the marriage license and met my ex-wife at the Superior Court of Justice here in Kingston. We swore an affidavit and paid our money. That was on Oct 5th.
Today I got a letter in the mail from the courts. My divorce will be final as of Dec. 6th.
It’s been a long road. When the marriage ended I was devastated. I was a total mess. I lived in my car for 2 months and then in a camper van for 4 more months before I finally realized that I needed to get my act together. At the time I was surprised that I didn’t die of grief. Apparently it doesn’t work that way.
My parents and my brother and my sister never missed a beat. They were supportive and made sure that the boys and I always had a soft place to land when we were in Ottawa or Toronto. And in the summer of 2006 we were there every weekend.
I rented an old beat up farmhouse in Joyceville from a very kind couple. It was close to the farm which meant close to the boys and it was our home for two and a half years while the separation issues were slowly settled.
During that time I managed to see myself through my first Christmas as a single guy, through hernia surgery at the Shouldice Clinic in Toronto, and through picking up and dropping off my boys with someone else’s truck in the driveway of the farm I had bought for my family. I watched one of my dogs die in my arms and went through some scary medical issues with one of the boys.
Strangely, as time passed, I started to value my independence and began pursuing interests I had abandoned while I was married. I got fit, and started playing guitar again. I spent every minute I could with the boys. I ran a half marathon and did an athletic seminar in Utah. I made some friends and reconnected with my family. I also started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at Martial Arts Planet in February of this year with my younger son.
This summer we sold the farm. I bought a house for us in Kingston near the boys school. It is a little two storey that backs on a nice little ravine. The boys are with me full time now and are doing well in school. I am dating a really smart and funny girl here in town.
It has been tough but worth it in so many ways. I appreciate my family and friends more than ever. I am tougher, but also a little less self centered and more self aware, so I guess it’s all good.
Right now I am playing hooky from BJJ class because I have a major knot in my right hip and can barely walk. The boys have finished their homework and are gaming online while surfing with their laptops and talking to me. Multitasking is what this generation does best. The dishes from dinner are in the sink, there are piles of clothes to fold, and the dogs are watching us through the window from the back porch.
I go through life like most people, baffled and slightly confused. A microphone placed in my head would hear: “What is she thinking? Will he come home on time? Am I driving too fast? Should I say something? What the hell am I really doing? Smile!” But every now and then I stop and have a clear moment and realize it’s about taking time to smell the roses and listen to the people you love. Harder by far than one would think.
One Response to “Divorce in Canada”
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My heart is with you bro. That’s quite a ride there. It couldn’t have been easy but you are right. It didn’t kill you, it made you stronger.