Yup it’s true. I am officially divorced as of today.
I was married in 1986. I was just a kid back then. Naive, awkward, a poor judge of character; especially my own. I met Lynn at a summer job and we were married on a hot day, late in the following spring.
We struggled at first. Money was tight and I still had school to finish. When I graduated we moved across the country to a job at gold mine in Central British Columbia. It was a clean break from parents and we took saw it as a huge adventure. We hiked to the tops of mountains, rode mountain bikes and traveled to the arctic. We had a good group of friends and everything was new and interesting.
Yeah…
So I paid www.ezdivorce.ca in Toronto to prepare all my divorce papers. They are pretty quick and professional. They don’t give you any advice but they asked me some questions and I had provide them with some information. Then they sent me the completed forms in the mail.
I took those documents and the marriage license and met my ex-wife at the Superior Court of Justice here in Kingston. We swore an affidavit and paid our money. That was on Oct 5th.
Today I got a letter in the mail from the courts. My divorce will be final as of Dec. 6th.
Sitemeter tells me I get the occasional visitor who has searched based on words like:
divorce help, divorce advice, and even divorce advice for women
Ok.
I have very little advice but for what it’s worth:
- Your brain is mess during separation and divorce, don’t make any decisions quickly, out of panic, or out of anger
- If you are a woman, then the law favors you because we men tend to abuse you or try and cheat you.
- Talk to a lawyer. Not the free consultation to lure you in. Pay for a good divorce lawyer for a couple of hours. Tell them you want their frank assessment of your situation. No bull, straight on.
- Get a hand held voice recorder and a hardcover journal. Keep track of your expenses, your activities and of every conversation you have. Transcribe anything you record into the journal verbatim as soon as you can. Develop a track record of having been accurate and factual.
- Stay in the matrimonial home as long as you are in no danger. Don’t be the person who leaves.
- Spend as much time with your kids as possible. Get involved with their activities, spend time with them. Do your best.
- A lot of what is going to happen will happen on its own. It is a bad idea to push people into corners. So get some mediation or counselling help if you can.
- This is going to take a while. When I separated all I could think of was how to get back together. My ex would not even consider selling the farm. Later as the financial pressures built and she realized that my standard of living was very low, she agreed to sell with no battle. We worked to keep things amiable and so the division of our belongings was done calmly.
- After 20 years, if your spouse hasn’t worked or supported themselves, you may have to support them in some fashion…forever. The formula at that point as I understand it, is that child support gets paid, and then you take what’s left from both of your incomes, divide it in half and that’s what you each get.
- I used EZdivorce in Toronto to prepare the divorce documentation for $400. Then $447 for the government and submission at the local court. 6 weeks from now I’ll be divorced.
- Grow. Get counselling. Become independent. You’ll be a better partner next time round if you have your act together.
Cheers
