So connecting with teenagers is a 24/7 thing.
I believe that parenting, finances, relationships and communication should be taught in school. I have never…read NEVER, used my geography, French lit, history, social studies, or phys-ed in ANY useful fashion.
Yet I HAVE struggled with those meat and potato skills that no one seems to feel need to be taught.
Parenting in particular is a trial and error effort. I make so many darn mistakes. I have heard that anyone can learn from their own mistakes but that it takes someone exceptional to learn from the mistakes of others. Well I fall squarely in the company of the former group. Not to say that things are going badly because they aren’t. My boys are good guys.
My biggest lessons?
- Don’t battle for anything that isn’t very important. If I am arbitrary, they lose confidence in me. Kids don’t need to be controlled. I think it is harmful. Eventually they realize that they don’t have to do what I say. I have had a few times when I needed them to take my advice (desperately), and when my explanations and arguments haven’t sufficed, and yet they have chosen to listen. I have a reservoir of faith built up I guess.
- Talk to them. About anything. Everything. All the time. Take interest in their stuff. Do things together. Ask them questions. Just be interested. It’s not complicated. Just be there and be present. No agenda. No influence. And LISTEN. Listen. They notice when you do.
- Keep your word. Always. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Boasting is similar to breaking your word. So is false praise. Kids see through it and I think it’s harmful. Really, they measure us by our actions and not our words. They notice when we are hypocrites. So keep your word. Drive the speed limit. Deal with people honestly. Speak positively of others. They DO notice.
It’s a work in progress. Today we worked on some school volunteer opportunities and had a coffee and a long talk. Now we are watching “The Day The Earth Stood Still”.
Life is good.
