Divorce advice

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Sitemeter tells me I get the occasional visitor who has searched based on words like:

divorce help, divorce advice,  and even divorce advice for women

Ok.

I have very little advice but for what it’s worth:

  1. Your brain is mess during separation and divorce, don’t make any decisions quickly, out of panic, or out of anger
  2. If you are a woman, then the law favors you because we men tend to abuse you or try and cheat you.
  3. Talk to a lawyer.  Not the free consultation to lure you in.  Pay for a good divorce lawyer for a couple of hours.  Tell them you want their frank assessment of your situation.  No bull, straight on.
  4. Get a hand held voice recorder and a hardcover journal.  Keep track of your expenses, your activities and of every conversation you have.  Transcribe anything you record into the journal verbatim as soon as you can.  Develop a track record of having been accurate and factual.
  5. Stay in the matrimonial home as long as you are in no danger.  Don’t be the person who leaves.
  6. Spend as much time with your kids as possible.  Get involved with their activities, spend time with them.  Do your best.
  7. A lot of what is going to happen will happen on its own.  It is a bad idea to push people into corners.  So get some mediation or counselling help if you can.
  8. This is going to take a while.  When I separated all I could think of was how to get back together.  My ex would not even consider selling the farm.  Later as the financial pressures built and she realized that my standard of living was very low, she agreed to sell with no battle.  We worked to keep things amiable and so the division of our belongings was done calmly.
  9. After 20 years, if your spouse hasn’t worked or supported themselves, you may have to support them in some fashion…forever.  The formula at that point as I understand it, is that child support gets paid, and then you take what’s left from both of your incomes, divide it in half and that’s what you each get.
  10. I used EZdivorce in Toronto to prepare the divorce documentation for $400.  Then $447 for the government and submission at the local court.  6 weeks from now I’ll be divorced.
  11. Grow.  Get counselling.  Become independent.  You’ll be a better partner next time round if you have your act together.

Cheers

 

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