Yes. Yes. Yes. Pardon me? Yes. Still injured. Yes it is taking a long time. Very little blood flow to connective tissue and all that…. No I’m not getting any younger? Yes I’ve had it looked at. Yes.
Quit acting like I’m a teenager? Yes that’s good advice. Yes. No I haven’t lost any more weight. If I get sick? I’m sure I’ll be fine. Yes I am eating. I know I’m not 18 years old. Yes yes.
Nope I’m quitting BJJ for sure. No more running or dieting either. In fact I’m going to give up on enjoying life completely and develop an underachieving and self absorbed attitude just like everyone who thinks they know how to make my life “better”. Wish I’d kept my fat clothes…oh yeah, never had any.
I don’t think much of people who resort to the use of profanity. Guess that makes me a hypocrite.
You wake up, shower drive, meetings, computer stuff, drive, physio therapy, tortellini and tomato sauce, dishes, kiss kiss, bang bang…. blah blah.
Then someone nice gives you a call and is so positive that you smile.
Then you ask the boys if, on the off chance, they might consider contemplating, the possibility of riding my coveted Rocky Mountain race bike beside me while I run in the dark? Who am I kidding? They’re on their computers.
Then, I decide that bed is a better option, I get a drink, and Aidan brings in the dogs.
Now Aidan, to be fair, rides beside me a lot. he always has. But wait…
“What was that about a bike ride in the dark?”, Liam asks.
So we’re back. Ran 7.5km on dark trails and quiet streets. Liam rode and lit the way with my Petzl head lamp. And we talked.
Life is very very good.
So no BJJ for a while if I’m smart. I rowed today and that didn’t hurt. Tomorrow will run. We’ll see how it is tomorrow night but I’m guessing it needs a couple of weeks rest. Minimum. CRAP.
My first flip video. Bought a flip video camera cheap on ebay to use for BJJ. Here’s a test vid. The pic below the vid shows the flip plugged into the usb on my netbook. There is no software installation or power cord because the flip has all of it’s programming on board and charges through the usb. It is quite tiny (smaller than my cell phone).
A bit of a lull. So to speak. While I examine my motivation.
It took a lot of will power, that I didn’t know I had, to get ready for the tournament. I didn’t expect to be quite so nervous either.
So now what? I enjoy the classes, the rolling, the challenge. I admire the people who go hard and work at it. So now what?
I am older than most BJJ students. I’ll be 47 in July. Some days I feel like I am invincible. Strong, lean. Other times, broken and sore.
Thing is…I’m going to stay with it. Against all good sense. It takes a long time to get a blue belt. And there is no Master’s class after white. I’ll need to work twice as hard and 5 times as smart to compete with the younger guys. It takes even longer to get purple. I don’t know whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I latch onto things and then go after them like I do.
Discipline and curiosity. It’s what I do.
……….Time for a workout. All things being equal, and at my age they are not, one needs to have a really meaningful strength to weight ratio.
I am starting to question this North American obsession with food. I have been trying the Fast 5 diet for 5 days now and I am starting to think that I have spent my life believing I needed more food.
Given the mental anguish (real or imaginary) I suffered at first, I would have thought that I’d be skinnier than a super-model by now. Not the case. My scales registered a 2 pound drop from my start weight this morning. 2 lbs is not even outside the range of accuracy of my scale. So despite a reduced calorie intake and having maintained my exercise regime – I’VE LOST NO WEIGHT. So why am I feeling this good?
The articles I have read online suggest that intermittent fasting could result in:
- Maintenance of muscle mass
- Reduced inflammation
- Reduced blood glucose and insulin levels
- Increased fatty acid oxidation
- Reduced oxidative damage
- Increased cellular stress resistance
- Decreased risks associated with degenerative diseases of aging (cancers, heart diseases, diabetes, Alzheimers)
I could live with that. I’ve also noticed a significant reduction in the swelling on my injured hand this week. Coincidence? AND I am stunned at how few calories I am consuming. STUNNED. Then again I have had some hunger pangs. And the odd light headed moment. But they have become fewer and far between in the last two days. Maybe I’m starving to death and have an eating disorder. Ah….No.
Anyway, I’m not here for the health benefits (which is pathetic). I’m Fast Fiving it to try and get into the light weight class at my first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament in Toronto in a month. Okay that’s a bit of a fabrication…I also want to be leaner. I just feel better and more confident when I lose the belly fat. I am extremely curious to see whether this forty six year, single father, can get lean without getting skinny or sickly looking. So I am using this tournament as a bit of an excuse.
This is an “intervention“. I heard about it at my seminar at Gym Jones back in 2008. They told me that the results would be “shocking”. Well…SHOCK ME.
I’m a sucker for this sort of thing. S-U-C-K-E-R
The 6:38 mark of this video is the best. Trumpets and horses charging down through the trees.
I am having a bit of trouble finding time to actually live my life. Today I got up at 3am and drove from Kingston to Woodstock on business. Then turned around and drove back. I actually stopped on the way there and slept at the side of the road for a while. Not a good sleep but I was right out. Boy, Toronto at rush hour twice in one day is a bumper to bumper thrill of a lifetime.
In any case I am home. Power cooked dinner, got the Gi’s together and headed out. Only to realize that Aidan’s mouthpiece is in my car which is still parked at the rental place. So no BJJ tonight. The timeline was too tight to exchange cars AND make it to class. I’m kinda pissed to be honest.
Something’s gotta give.
There are thin sunbeams slanting in our windows while we drink our coffee. The boys both slept in and the day has that lazy Sunday feel to it.
I am reading The Diviners again. Margaret Laurence is one of the writers whose style somehow bypasses the “translation step” that I normally need to “feel” the story.
I first read this book back in August of 2006. I had just separated from Lynn and was living in my camper with Max and Roy. ”Not wanted on the voyage” so to speak. In any case I was in bad shape, hardly able to string together two coherent thoughts and slowly starving myself to death in a sunbaked field where my friend Amanda Milliken had kindly allowed me to camp.
I had a stack of books that my mum had loaned me and was working through them at a snail’s pace. The Diviners though was read in one continuous push. I remember sitting under the van awning with the dogs at my feet, adjusting my position every so often as I cramped up, the sun baking us even in the shade.
The week spent in that field may have been the proverbial rock bottom for me. Life slowed down to slow motion in the summer heat, the smell of grass thick in the air.
It is the small things that can remind us that life goes on regardless. I woke one morning to the sight of a single mule deer peering in the window of my camper. It investigated the fringes of my little world and then disappeared into the trees at the pasture’s edge when the dogs stirred. With good fortune, that doe is still out in the forest, enjoying these same thin sunbeams.
